I'm not emo, but I just had to let it out. I apologize for the inconvenience.

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Sometimes I just don't understand if I do everything wrong or maybe that's just how life is, but I mostly think that I expect too much from people.

I give everything I can to my friends and I like giving friends everything. I don't expect them to give me anything in return, but I do have some expectaions from a few of them.
Some of them can really keep their word and surprise you, but those are friends rare and it rarely happens (unless I just don't know how to pick friends and thats plainly my fault).

I'm not picky so I end up forgiving people over and over again. I don't even know where my braking point is, I just know that at some point I try convincing myself that these people don't deserve me and what I give yet I still find myself by their side and try my best to keep them happy. I walk the extra mile to put a smile on their faces or to warm their hearts.
I'll surprise, listen, do what they expect and want me to do even if I don't really want to and all the little things included just for the sake of friendship.

Why the hell can't I just screw it all and do something for my own good??

I get hurt over and over again by the people most important to me and they don't even know how I truely feel because I don't want to bother them and make them feel uncomfortable that I'm hurt and it is their fault.
I can't say I'm the best friend ever, sure I probably do my share of hurting myself, but I think I'm reaching my limit of hurt that I can absorb and I don't even have anything to do about it.
I won't bother talking to each and every one of them, I won't shut myself out, I won't hurt myself and I won't go to a shrink.. So what do I do?
I don't even know how I deal with things. I think I usually just go on with my life untill the pain fades a bit and then it fills back up with all the crap.. So it just goes up and down up and down whithout an end.